Memorial Day in our Nation's Capital



Washington DC is iconic. It is hard and rigid; everything seems a shade of off-white, creamish, gray. Erected in the same type of marble and limestone, many of the buildings use similar designs and look like they were made from the same block of imitation Greek Legos.

Aside from the population of academia (which comprise a large chunk of the residents), the city seems filled with men in suits, Hillary Clinton wannabes, homeless, political hookers, and a catch-all of government service workers. Friendliness was a PS many failed to include. While New Yorkers have a bad rap, the DC-ers, whether they’re local or politico-transplant, are slow on the uptake and not so generous with their hospitality.

Things seem spread out but close together – the heart of the city seems to be this large monument park. They found a piece of land, labeled it Capitol and tried to redeem the title with the cement tributes to those that founded this country on morals and virtues we’re still trying to emulate. What future monuments will be erected for our children? Will the future generations recognize a gap in leadership integrity?

The Washington Monument is like the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, the Sears Tower; it’s the tallest thing you see – an unspoken logo. From the circular plaza holding the infamous phallic tower of bricks, you can see the Lincoln Memorial. Here you are in a book of postcards, in a slide show, in any movie montage set in the nation’s capital.

The reflecting pool between the Lincoln and Washington Memorials, like a mirror, instantly double the memorials. Like jewelry, this rectangle of water is sparkly adornment for an otherwise hard and dry expanse.

The Lincoln Memorial, under a night sky is stunning and dramatic. Yet upon the steps and below the gigantor’s feet, it is ransacked by middle school kids where they obnoxiously read anything but the ‘Respect Please’ signs. Varying groups assemble in matching t-shirts; a stark white memorial dotted with a sea of blue, green and tie-die. Middle schools from Ohio, NJ, neighboring Baltimore. Some snap pictures, some are texting, and some giggle and flirt. They are not war age yet; they don’t have children yet. The war is a lesson they’re just learning; just one reality life has to slap on their faces.

Particularly poignant – on Memorial Day – and on a day when our country is still at combat – are the dedicated war memorials. Mothers still put yellow ribbons around their trees and wear pins with stars on them.

The World War II Memorial seemed to be the least crowded. 16 million faught in a war now memorialized by a fountain overlooking the Lincoln Memorial. Pillars bearing the names of country or states who fought in the war encapsulate the fountain. There are no individual names; just locations.

The Korean War Memorial is striking. In a triangular, spread out formation, silver soldiers stand, dramatic and disoriented – lost in a field but solidified for perpetuity. Expressions of sadness, despair, shock and honor are smeared on their faces. They all wear heavy ponchos and carry machine guns. A rainy battle eternalized under a sunny sky in Washington DC. The dichotomy is extreme. Behind the metal soldiers, there is a black granite wall etched with soldiers’ gray faces. Those lost in a war many in our generation know from the TV show, MASH.

My fist visit to the nation’s capital was about 20 years ago. From that trip, most impactful was the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial. I remembered the vast expanse of a seemingly endless list of names. The Memorial seemed larger than life then, but for so many different reasons.

Hundreds of Harley-riding veterans congregate at the imprinted expanse of black granite that reveal their reflection. The base speckled with bouquets of plastic red roses in celephane decorated with red, white and blue. I read the names, but can’t see past my own face. I watch the reflections of tragic reunions. Veterans look at each other, shake hands, and say Welcome Home. The Washington monument and American flags bare witness.

A government worker dedicated to the memorial stands with a ladder, a big book of names and some pencils. Quietly, old couples approach her and ask her to do a pencil etching of a name. She props the ladder against the black wall and quietly and respectfully scratches the pencils over the specifically ripped piece of paper. She hands it over to the sad requestors.

They all look at her as if to say, “My son gave his life for this country, and now I have a pencil etching of his name.” Maybe I project; somehow I will never see war as rational. Somehow I’m always the one drawing peace signs in my mind, wishing everyone could sing kumbaya with doves flying overhead. Peace, love and rainbows. Only the unicorns are missing from my dreamscape.

The White House is beautiful; it’s set back as far as a jail and probably more protected. One of the most famous homes in the world; now home to two little girls. Thousands of people stick their digital cameras in between the iron gates each day and try to snap a picture of someone else’s home. What does this home say about the people inside or this nation? I’m not sure why anyone is so infatuated by the mansion – it looks similar to many other DC building. People want a picture of what the home represents – the freedom, liberty and other incidentals that this country has been fighting for the last two centuries.

Within the concrete buildings and under the perfect sidewalk, in between the shades of white, there seems to be lurking an aura of corruption and evil. Some degree of immorality that maybe, hopefully is on its way out. An ornate building currently under construction served as the shredding paper ground for the Iran Contra scandal. A mysterious building has no identifying marks, but is guarded by men with lots of ammunition and shallow faces.

Secrets, like ghosts, seem to whisper all around Washington DC.

Food options, like the rest of the city, seem spread apart and bland. Around the mall area, snack stands dot the periphery. Choices abound in the form of hot dogs, pretzels, or egg rolls. A few blocks inland from the land of the monuments and dried grass there were few unappealing restaurants. We had a good meal at the Chinatown Express. They made fresh dumplings and noodles in the window and then served it up to us for $5.95 each.

The visit to Arlington National Cemetery under a blistering sun and blazing blue sky was a day that has imprinted itself onto my memory bank and will remain there like a mental tombstone. It was Memorial Day weekend so the energy was exponential; a Rolling Thunder reunion had all the Harley vets dressed in leather vests and jackets laden with patches declaring, affirming, remembering. They were the living foreground to the cemetery’s background.

Along the white tombstones I walked. They were like rows of teeth in a shark’s mouth; otherwise dark and seemingly unending. It reeked of death and sadness. I saw a cemetery of children; I saw mothers with holes in their hearts that couldn’t be replaced by an American flag. There were grievers, there were veterans, there were tourists.

For their service, these Americans get a plot of land on a national cemetery and a token white headstone. We visit, we mourn, we remember. The government puts a small American flag by each tomb; some get a bouquet of plastic flowers.

Sad is not the death of individuals, but the failed lessons. Wars worth repeating, lives worth losing. Families destroyed, generations cinched.

I walked the hills of Arlington Cemetery in silence behind a veil of tears. From the sun beating over head it was like a field of would-be candles where all the wicks had burned down. What remained was a field of reminders of the fires that used to burn, hearts that used to beat, souls that used to love.

Washington DC represents this nation’s capital. From here rules were created, rules are regulated. Here, heroes are remembered and immortalized. Here is where we walk through a living archive of a young country’s rise. Here is where the banner yet waves; for the home of the free and the home of the brave.

********
Below are some photos from the trip. See a full album here.




Washington Monument at dusk.


The Lincoln Memorial as reflected in a case of military Metals of Honor.


Wreaths and Reflections. Vietnam Vet's Memorial.


Remembering at the Vietnam Vet's Memorial.


Vietnam Veteran's Memorial on Memorial Day.


There was one missing next to the purple heart.


Korean War Veteran's Memorial.


This is the view from the backyard of the White House.


It was a cemetery full of children. Arlington National Cemetery.


The stones are placed by middle school children.


Changing of the guard ceremony at Arlington.


Arlington National Cemetery.


JFK's grave with an eternal flame.


All of the white monuments look better at night.


A view of one of the cream buildings at night.

Ode to Mississippi, the Step Turtle



Mississippi the Turtle has lived at my house for the last 3 years. My boyfriend was going away on a trip, dropped her off and decided this would be a better home for her. So now she goes on walk-abouts in my Manhattan flat. We forget about her for a week or so sometimes and out she'll come, dragging a bunch of dust from under the couch with her.

Recently we took Mississippi out on the fire escape and to Central Park. Here are some photos. The video is priceless - she braves a jump off the ledge.

Incidentally, she was named after the Grateful Dead song, Mississippi Half-Step Toodeloo.


On the fire-escape before the big jump. She's contemplating.

Here's the video of her jump!
video



In daddy's hands.


Cozy in the grass of Central Park.


From behind the blades of grass...


And a piggy back ride for our rubber dinosaur. She thought it was a relative.

Wedding Wishes


To HER on her WEDDING DAY:

There’s no such thing as a perfect person – only a person that’s perfect for you. Trust yourself to know that you found him – and hold onto that trust in yourself and in each other.

Remember this day and how you feel about each other. Life will be rocky and there will be days when your mind will teleport you right back to this day and you will beam with happiness and it will make it all better. Embrace every emotion.

Be true to yourself. Be happy. Don’t struggle so hard when you don’t have to. Know that he loves you. Believe him. Love him back completely. Respect yourself and respect each other. It all started when you liked each other as people; don’t forget to like each other. Laugh – every day – or as much as you can. Life gives us the tears; it’s our job to laugh in its face. Celebrate love and celebrate romance; it’s not corny – it’s maintenance, like oil for a car.

I hope the day was all you dreamed about and more. I hope your life together is all you imagine with sprinkles on top (or should I say cheese?).

Be Happy.

To THEM on their WEDDING DAY:

Wedding cards were just too cliché and by the time you’re ripping this open to see how much the check is for, the wedding is already over ☺. This card is designed to transition you onto the next part. So: HAPPY HONEYMOON!

Have an amazing guiltless time. Take pleasure in every succulent minute.

I know that there will be hundreds of guests and you may not remember everyone – but rest assured we’ll remember you and the testament that you made to each other in front of us. CONGRATULATIONS, by the way. Thank you for having us share in your wedding day.

We wish you a lifetime filled with love, laughter, holding hands, drinking wine, dancing, eating amazing dinners, traveling, and everything beautiful in this world. Try not to go to bed angry. No matter what happens throughout the day, when you get to bed at night, it’s just the two of you in your world. Hold onto each other every night like you’re the only two on earth.

There are so many beautiful quotes that have been written about love; I don’t have to struggle to recreate the words or the sentiment. Here’s one I love:
In the end, nothing we do or say in this lifetime
will matter as much as the way we loved another.
Cheers to love…

May Flowers









I snap flowers all around ... these are from the bus stop waiting for my son to come home from school...

Life Advices



I made this list when I first created a MySpace page. I've since deleted the page, but a hunt through old files revealed this list. It's random and incomplete (life fills it in ...) but without further ado ... here's what I preach:

Life Advices by Me:

• Walk carefully in high heels.
• John Lennon said it best – life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
• Choose your spouse carefully – it’s the most important decision of your life.
• Find a partner that:
o Makes you laugh more than anyone else. When things are at their worst, laughter is nature’s medicine.
o Find magic in this earth – it’s the closest thing to miracles.
• Learn to love yourself first. Without knowing what makes you happy, how can anyone else ever do it?
• If you don’t like it, change it.
• It’s OK to change your mind. Again and again and again.
• Believing in karma is as reassuring / satisfying as believing in religion.
• Feel the music.
• Don’t pass up the opportunity to see a sunrise. It’s nature reminder that each day brings with it new life – new awakening – new hope.
• If you want something, ask for it.
• Hear both sides of a story.
• It’s OK to judge others as long as you hold yourself up to the same standards.
• Everything – (OK, most things) – are OK in moderation.
• Doing what makes you happy shouldn’t make you GUILTY. If it is, ask yourself why – and change it. The guilt or the action that’s making you feel guilty.
• Trust your instincts.
• Don’t lie to yourself – until you’re TRUE to yourself and with what you want, you’ll never truly be able to get it.
• Successful people become truly successful because there is no bullshit standing in the way between what they want and the goal. When you truly discover what you want in life – in any situation – personal or professional – you’ll achieve it. It will be like tunnel vision – like a pitcher who sees the strike directly over the mound – every other distraction has to fade into the background leaving the goal clearly in sight.
• Think about how much time you spend each day listening to people talk about something you don’t give a shit about. Fix it.
• Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you – and don’t suck your energy because they’re jealous of you.
• Before getting irrationally angry, think about a person’s intentions.
• Don't fear success ... or failure.
• Don't waste time worrying about the what if's ... the things you end up having to worry about are the ones you never would have imagined.

Face Painting ... on My Leg



My boyfriend got me (and my sister) into face painting. Previously we did them with stamp templates, but we're branching out ... big time.

On a recent afternoon, we shopped for Snazaroo paints and brushes and even got crazy containers to store it all at the Container Store. Then we came home to practice by copying a book ... but instead I used acrylic paints (toxic, whatever ... they were on me!)

Anyway ... we're learning and expanding. Next step, sponging. Check out this guy ... we will be this good.






Happiness in a Pizza Box



Advertising on pizza boxes is not very new ... but this one made me smile. Pizza = Happy. It's that easy...(unless you're lactose intolerant).

Unemployed and Happy
(Yep, I said it)



A year ago I was fired for the first time in my life. The next day a friend asked how I was doing. This is what I wrote:
After the initial blow – you can imagine for a prideful Leo, I was ecstatic.

I am the happiest I have been in a really long time. This is the best thing that has happened to me all year and I feel great. I was walking around with a smile on my face like those people we used to hate. No more dreading going to bed because I have to wake up to go there. It’s like getting out of a bad marriage – but they did all the dirty work so it was an easy break.

I’m really really good. Thank you for asking.
So now it's a year later and I've since managed to get another job and get myself fired again. I'm back to that place - the happy place. Here's hoping a dangling carrot of a paycheck doesn't suck me in again ... The whole shame me once bit ...

From Behind the Umbrella



To the virgin 97th street walker, the old, hunched-back woman begging on the street, dodging cars with her small handmade cardboard placard, elicits a sense of pity. “Homeless, please help,” she mutters and shows a toothless grin. She seems lilliputian on Manhattan’s busy cross street; a small speck on an otherwise busy thoroughfare of the intersection of Dunkin Donuts and One Fish, Two Fish.

I, however, know the truth about the toothless woman carrying her dilapidated sign and her black umbrella. She is a heroine addict.

Begging for money, she needs to feed her hunger. It’s always a table for one for the toothless woman. No tablecloths or silverware for this dining experience. No white dishes, no glasses of water. Her routine is predictable to me; deceiving to others.

She sets up shop on the three steps leading up to a now-barricaded apartment building on Madison Avenue. Hazelnut coffee smells drift out from the coffee shop on her right; fresh laundry smells spill out from the cleaners on her left. She opens her black umbrella to shield herself from us – us from her. Even beyond her addiction, she maintains a slight sense of humility.

Walking downtown, the angle of the umbrellas always offers me an unwarranted, and often disdainful peek as she satiates her addiction. The vein popping from her arm is throbbing loudly as it awaits the needle to quenches its thirst.

I see her almost every day – sometimes on 97th street and sometimes on Madison Avenue. I watch her with her sign. I smell her addiction and the rage inside me boils. I wish I were more sad, but I’m angry. I want to scream to the world that this woman – this old, begging skeleton of who she once was – is a drug-addicted fraud. Her pleas for food is false. She is only in pursuit of one thing – only the one addiction must be fed. Food, shelter, comfort of other people, love - all of it takes a backseat to her heroine addiction.

One day, as I was walking briskly with my son in hand, her eyes met mine and she smiled at me. For the first time, I saw a person behind the addict.

An old lady living on the street – alive but not living; walking but not going anywhere, smiling but not happy. Maybe she’s a mother. Or a grandmother. Maybe she was even a wife? A sister? Someone’s best friend? How long has she lived this unfortunate drug-addicted life? Has she ever tried to stop? Who is her dealer and how does she pay him? What happens when her street-collected coins don’t total up to the cost of her next syringe?

I smiled back at her with my mouth, but my eyes said, I’m sorry.

Look What I Made



I like letters. I like colors. My friend is having a baby girl and I made this painting for her. I photographed it lousily (if that's even a word) - but there are many layers ... it was a while before I was satisfied. I also love the thick texture of paint ...

I hope she hearts it.

From Mine on Mother's Day



This is what I got from my 7-year-old for Mother's Day. He said everyone had to add the line about being kind; I wonder if he would have included that about me. I am most flattered that he thinks I'm funny.

When I write my first official blog

>


When I write my first official blog posting, I believe that it will focus on a rant spawned by a business women's leadership luncheon I attended last week. My post-lunch assignment was to “figure out your true calling in life.” Apparently therein lies the ultimate secret to becoming the ultimate woman leader.

If I just follow my calling … Well … if I only could find my calling, I would surely follow it down any brick road.

... my calling?

Not sure that I have one. People call me. Are people my calling? Throughout high school peanut M&M's and Bar None were calling me daily for lunch. Nachos called me after school. (So was his partner, Cheddar Cheese.) But alas I never found my calling. In college I got a cell phone so I did a lot of calling. After college I got a job where I called clients a lot and clients called me. But a calling I never found. So I left that job to find my true calling.

The last five years I've had the privilege of answering to the calling of mom. And within this half decade, (Wow!) I have truly had splatters of clarity on the otherwise very mucky slate of my mind. I’ve had days where I thought being a mom was calling enough.

But here I was sitting at that lunch last week. Lynda, with her magenta leather jacket, Public Speaker Extraordinaire, prompted me once again to wring my brain out in search of my calling. So while I wait to write my first blog entry, I am frantically searching.
~
Written 9/27/07:

~ before I started HeartsEverywhere
~ before Firing # 1
~ before Firing # 2
~ before I was brave enough to see my calling.

A Mother's Love



I can’t describe a mother’s love. It would be like describing a song to a deaf person – or the perfect red to someone who’s color blind. A mother’s love; it exists only in a dimension understood once you enter it.

A mother’s love is uprooting her life from one side of the world and moving to another. A mother’s love is carrying a potty through Italian immigration so you wouldn’t have to use a public toilet. A mother’s love is putting you in front of the mirror to show you how beautiful you are. A mother’s love is a plastic bag in her purse because you throw up whenever you get nervous. A mother’s love is walking you down the aisle with the man who found a younger replacement. A mother’s love is calling you back after you hang up on her. A mother’s love is being sorry and being ashamed, because she didn’t live up to her own expectations. A mother’s love is – I’ll hold your hand no matter how cold.

A mother’s love is unconditional. It is loving your right arm, your heart, your brain.

She loved me before she even knew me and – and long after she knew me too well. She loved me completely – even when she might not have liked me very much.

I know sometimes I can be a mean bitch. I can be insensitive. I can be hurtful. I am this way because I have developed a wall from which I can stand and yell out but don’t always want to hear in; I may have had expectations of you – but I had never expressed them – and that wasn’t fair.

I have never doubted your love, but I’m certain you may have doubted mine. I wonder if you think I’m grateful for you. I am – very much so.

I think we both think things could be better. I think we both wish it were different – sometimes. I want a fairytale – and you want it for me – we just sometimes draw different pictures of the happily ever after.

You see me as the little girl, cheeks exploding from under the kerchief you wrapped around my face. The girl who was born with enough hair for ribbons – with the big brown eyes. You see those same eyes gazing at you and remember me just tall enough to tug on the bottom of your skirt. I repeated your Russian slang then and I continue to use it now.

How much of yourself do you see in me? How much of you do I not want to see in me? Daughters don’t want to sound like their mothers, but instinct dictates differently. We all have the mother’s bark. A love you understand when you become a mother yourself.

Seven years ago I entered motherhood. I stare in disbelief at the boy I’ve created. A line extended, the earth a little stirred – biology I exploited all by myself.

Being a mother is a tremendous responsibility – to him – to the world. To give him the foundation for confidence, courage, respect, happiness. Arm him with some sort of emotional and coping building blocks to take on the world head on and carve a strong and happy life for himself. I want for my child what any mother wants – a healthy laugh, a smile, eternal love.

On Mother’s Day, I don’t expect to be thanked. In fact, I use the day to remember what a privilege it is to be a mother. I am lucky to be able to look at my son and be filled with pride – in him and me.

But how do you thank the person without whom you wouldn’t be? How do you thank someone for air and breath and lungs and life? How do you thank someone for sleepless nights, for a lifetime of worry, for painful compromises, for never being first, for feeling the hurt every time you fall? How do you thank a person whose heart aches for you long after yours has skipped a beat?

A mother’s love …

There is no title so powerful, so important, so impactful, so innate – as mama.

Happy mother’s day.

Talent Fuels Dreams



I didn’t get hooked on the Sopranos until Season 3; same with Sex and the City. I didn’t catch onto Arrested Development until after all 3 seasons were old on DVD. But … for Susan Boyle, I am just under a month late.

Susan Boyle is not driven by money or fame. She is driven by the bubbling cauldron of passion inside her gut. She sings because it is in her core; she has to release it to remain sane.

What a genuine inspiration. People who have dreams inspire me daily.

A bit late with accolades – but Susan Boyle’s voice brought me to tears. Watch this moving video of Susan's first appearance on Britain's Got Talent:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OcQ9A-5noM
(Right about the two-minute mark was when I got my first chills.)

Cheers to Susan and hoping things will change -- and we can all achieve our dreams.

Please note that I am not only inspired by people whose last name is Boyle.

I Heart Brüno



I have more excitement than words.

Watch the adult-rated preview here.

Of course, you can see more hilarity at: http://www.meinspace.com/bruno, become his Facebook friend ... and of course follow his Tweets!

Hearts-a-Whirl


On the way to bring my son to the bus this morning, this rain-washed pinwheel caught my eye. Zoom in on the center: my hearts in a whirl!

Jury Duty Poetry



Meeting Poetry originated in the havens of New York City's court system as I was sitting in Jury Duty two years ago. Human entertainment and bureaucracy was amusing me and words started pouring out for no rhyme or reason. I dubbed these words strung together: Jury Duty Poetry. Since it would be years before I was dazzled by the likes of our judicial system again, I took this approach with many corporate meetings that followed.

Here was the flagship piece:

Jury Duty Poetry
And so it goes...
Judicial responsibility.
A good story gives you a little leeway
Fists serve as armrests
Follow the perforations
to the echoes of ripping.
Ear buds shut the noises out,
newspaper ink smears my fingers,
stiletto heels provide percussion...
to an otherwise mind-numbing hum of the fan -
with the brief interlude of crinkling paper.

Stale air lingers all around;
a few random bursts of cologne both tickle and taunt my nose hairs.
Shifting weights from left to right to balance the arms crossed under your breast
Deep sighs,
Flipping pages,
the letters form strings of words that twist around and reveal
Nothing.

Life’s constant search for a happy ending.
A rainbow of lipstick marks dot the tops of Starbucks cups surrounding the room.

Glances around the room reveal piercing eyeballs on your tits
A unique place with unique people
Coffee breaks as a springboard for productivity
The plastic cutlery dissects the stale pastry with surgical precision
Apricot jam spread on like salve on the flaking skin.

Lottery selection allows some a purpose
While others tap their feet
Scratch their itches
The crotch, the pimple on the check, a newly coiffed hairstyle.
Eyelids grow heavy,
nails taste tempting,
bathroom journeys provide a welcome respite from the mundane orchestra of life in a jury room

Marble walls reveal erotic images
and provide backgrounds for lovers dialog.
Tiled floors worn down by pacing businessmen;
plagued by missing deadlines,
frustrated by failing communication
despite technological progression to facilitate it.