Train Uptown: Diverted



She was buxom, plump – altogether about 100 pounds too heavy. She wore faded black leggings and a black fitted t-shirt. Her softness spilled out despite the black spandex trying to hold in her body. She sat with her arms crossed on the uptown train to somewhere. Her blonde frizzy curls were piled sloppily into a lazy bun on the top of her hair. She wore thick-rimmed black and white cat-shaped glasses which minimized her blue eyes. Black flip-flops revealed toes that never saw a pedicure. A simple gold band adorned her left hand. I tried to picture her other half.

Two stops later, like a choreographed dance, a Mexican man enters the subway in the door closest to her. She slides over to make room for him. He is simple but carries a heavier load. He sits down next to her stone-faced. He places a white plastic bag in between his feet on the dirty gray subway floor.

He wears dark over-sized jeans and a black promotional t-shirt. He has a prominent black mole on his chin and a butchered Asian tattoo on his neck. His ring finger has a matching wedding band.

She puts her arms around his neck and starts to tenderly stroke his neck and hair. She says, “Well you better get in a better mood before dance class later today!”

He whispers something to her. She seems to understand and loudly proclaims, “Well you can tell me anything.” He seems somber and looks down. She gingerly links her arm through his, which sits folded loosely on his lap. He continues to say something quietly.

"I can’t even believe you’re saying this right now," she shouts. "You should just go home, then! I don’t even want to be on the same train with you!"

She grabs the white plastic bag from between his legs and pushes through the crowd to get out of the closing subway door. The door bounces off her as she stumbles onto the platform at 59th Street. Fancy NYC women zoom by her on their way to Bloomingdales. She looks lost and confused as she stares at the subway signs around her searching for salvation.

He continues to stare down, emotionless. He doesn’t look over his shoulder; his eyes gaze nowhere in her direction. He sits lifeless for three more stops and gets off.

US Holocaust Memorial Museum



In light of today's horrific shooting at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, I am re-posting this -- originally posted 6 weeks ago -- originally written in 1995.

I wrote Three Years Later: Survivors Reflect on the [US Holocaust Memorial] Museum when I was a senior at NYU.

It is magazine feature length so these are just some clips. Read the full article here.

----------

Three Years Later, Survivors Reflect on the Museum
December 1995

The steel doors are framed by thick bolts and when they slam shut with a loud thud, everyone in the elevator gasps for air. The passengers fall silent as we ascend. Anticipating something brutal, I plant my feet firmly on the floor; if I brace myself, maybe it will lessen the shock.

Suddenly a back and white image flickers to life on the television monitor above my head. I look up to see stock footage of a World War II solider standing in front of a liberated concentration camp 50 years ago. He gives the warning: what he saw – and what I am about to see, is like nothing I have ever seen in my life.

The elevator doors open on the permanent exhibition of the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum. The display winds its way down – not unlike Dante’s Inferno. I walk through the stories of hell told by those who lived through it.

~

Although the initial publicity around the museum’s opening has died down, the museum’s focus on remembrance and contemplation requires it to remain in the public eye to fulfill its mission. More than just a collection of artifacts or the preservation of history, it was intended as an educational instrument. It is not enough to be a national memorial to the 12 million murdered if the lessons of history it imparts are not learned.

~

In the death camps – and on their way to the gas chambers, the victims were forced into isolation from their entire world. It was their last wish that the world know what they went through. A direct verbal account is the only way that the truth – and the accuracy of the terror – can be conveyed.

Nesse Godin, a Holocaust survivor, remembers:

“’Maybe you young girls will survive,’ they told us. ‘Promise us you will make them remember. Don’t let them forget. Zieg der verld (Tell the world)’, they cried.”

Godin was 13 in June 1941 when Germans marched into Lithuania. Soldiers rounded up Jewish men and boys to “clean up war damage.” They were taken from their native town of Siauliai and taken deep into the forest. There they were ordered to strip under gunpoint. Then they were forced to dig their own graves. Finally they were shot. Farmers nearby said that the ground shook from the sound of bullets and falling bodies. The rest of the Jews were herded into a few blocks and that became the Siauliai Ghetto. In 1944, the Ghetto was emptied. Godin survived several labor camps and a forced march. In 1945, she was liberated by the advancing Soviet army. She was 17 years old.

“What kind of criminal was I? I was one of the lucky ones; I survived. So when I look at the people at the museum, I remember the cries of 'Zieg der verld’ and I see the world,” says Godin, 67, a museum volunteer. We need this museum. It preserves history and it teaches. Being memorialized is not enough. We cannot bring back the dead.”

~

Death preoccupies my thoughts as I stare at the blue-and-white striped prisoner uniforms hanging limply in a two-story column in front of me. They are frayed, torn, tattered, missing buttons. I recognize this uniform on thousands of emaciated bodies in the black and white photographs surrounding me. I see a gray-haired, short man two feet away from me; he has a tear rolling down his face. I wonder if he wore one of those uniforms. The air feels thicker; each breath is harder to take.

~

Before the Holocaust, there were nine million Jews in Continental Europe; within a dozen years, two-thirds of European Jews had perished. You watch the video footage from the television monitors above and stare deeply into the eyes of the Holocaust victims who are captured on the black and white film. All the eyes convey signals of death; even the faintest glimmer of life was quickly shattered by a Nazi’s boot.

I gaze at the display of a Nazi uniform. The brown assaults my eyes, but what sears all my senses are the red armbands with their piercing black swastikas. I picture that uniform from the view of a concentration camp victim who’s lying on the floor being stomped on by those tall, black, powerful boots.

I am just a visitor to the museum and will probably never understand. Not even the most imaginative description of the Holocaust can truly reflect the horror and the carefully planned savagery. No account can re-enact the emotions of the victims – and the survivors. And still, even survivors who emphasize the inability of any narrative to fully portray their suffering, even they want the story to be told.

~

Ann Shore is the President of the Hidden Child Foundation, an organization within the Anti-Defamation League. Children who hid their Jewish identities to survive the war comprise this 6,000-member organization. Shore was 12 years old in 1942 when the police in Zabno stuck a gun to her and asked her where her father was. She told them she didn’t know. They ran to the basement, where he was hiding, and shot him dead. Shore, her mother, and sister fled to a farming village and hid in a small farm until the end of the war.

“The museum is very meaningful to the Holocaust survivors,” Shore says. “We feel deeply moved by it because it’s our lives they’re showing. But the museum is not for us. We are the story. The museum transcends the story.”

~

There is a family photo – everyone is smiling; the father seems proud. Their table is adorned by rolls and wines and smiles; a depiction of life before the war. A mother and her young son sit on a hammock together. Two grandmothers are photographed wearing polka-dotted dresses and holding canvas bags. Another pictures reveals twin sisters with matching bows in their hair.

~

She was four years old when the killing began. “I realized that Jews died a double death,” Eliach says. “The first was the horrible murder by the Nazis and the second was that their memory was being obliterated. I wanted to rescue this one town from oblivion. I was determined that these Jews would not be remembered only as victims. When I stood on the massive grave in Eishishok, I saw it not as skulls and bones but as people begging to be remembered the way they were.”

Eliach’s exhibit in the museum aims to give the murdered people back their faces and their identities. “I want people to go away from the museum and think. Not just about the emotional reaction, but I want them to think about preserving democracy and what happens when democracy fails. I want people to make a commitment to safeguard democracy. I want them to walk out to the streets of Washington with a message, with knowledge, and hopefully, encouraged to think.”

~

When the museum opened in April 1993, the ones who lived through the horror could finally tell their stories to the world.

“We are the last survivors to tell our story and you are the last ones to hear it,” Shore says. “Just remember that so much more is gained by love than by hate. Because hate can become self destructive.”

The museum’s concerted effort is to educate children. Godin speaks to students in inner city schools in Washington D.C. She tells them:

“You wonderful people, look at each other. Don’t see a religion or a color. See a person. be a little kinder, be a better human being. Treat each other a little better. Learn to tolerate each other and live.”

Happiness is Finding Your Place...



It wasn’t until my third summer in my apartment that I really started enjoying the luxury of a New York City balcony. By balcony I mean fire escape. But it’s a special fire escape – it has a concrete base so no tightrope maneuver necessary to stand outside my window.

Nonetheless, perched above 97th street on my very own outdoor space, I get high as my senses happily drive into overload. The sound of Reggae music competes with the birds’ choir. The sun sets beyond Central Park on the West Side as scrubs-wearing hospital employees meander home. The perfect temperature warms my shoulders while a cool breeze blows the hair off my face. The smell of the Mexican restaurant’s fajitas outweighs the smell of detergent escaping through the Laundromat vents.

I spy a small boy blowing bubbles, some of which drift my way – they hover just out of grasp; little haloes that float about in this little bit of heaven.

Happiness is finding a place that’s your little accessible heaven on earth and being able to go back there. Anytime.

Me vs. the Public Toilet



My shit stinks too – just not in someone else’s bathroom – mostly because I won’t drop my load there. How ironic for those who know me since I won’t blink an eye at a two-hour conversation discussing the merits and different kinds of bowel movements. I’ll tell anyone who listens how my nerves send me to the bowl; tests in college, a work review, my wedding day … nothing is too scared for my stomach – or its rapid release into the porcelain god.

But ever since I was young, I cannot go on public toilets. I can go number one, but not number two. When I pee on a public toilet, I always squat and never sit. It amazes me how people can just sit down, barely a wipe of the filthy seat, and unload their bowels. Instead, I’ll hold it in for a day until I get to a familiar toilet.

Ironically I’ll pee anywhere. The hesitation is in reference to poop only. I’ll pee in anyone’s bathroom, a parking lot, in the middle of Third Avenue in Manhattan (OK so sometimes the Manhattan peeing has to do with booze).

At my old job, I found a bathroom in the hallway, near the elevator where the regular people didn’t go. We called it the ‘Executive’ as if only for the privileged few. Once in the Executive, there was a lining procedure. Using paper towels, I would double line the seat. If there were no thick paper, there would be a triple layer of toilet paper.

I blame my mother – as always – for creating this neurosis. First of all, she potty trained me too young. In Russia, it was just the thing to do. I was so anxious to please the potty, the anecdote is that at 10 months, I pulled a pot out of the kitchen cupboard and took a crap in it. My mother carried a potty with us everywhere we went through immigration. Russia, Italy, Vienna, America – Galina’s toilet habits span oceans and cultures. She never let me sit on a toilet seat. She would lift me up over any public toilet seat to pee until I was too heavy to hold with my legs perched open over a toilet.

So now 30 years later I battle the toilet demons with my 7-year-old son. “Don’t touch anything!” I yell whenever we go into a public toilet. Recently he stopped coming into the women’s bathroom with me and wants to go big-boy style into the men’s room. I let him go and cross my fingers he flushes with his foot.

Incidentally, according to Australian health specialists, there is such a thing as the perfect pee.

Flowers in Riverdale



Surrounding the fancy private school were some flowers the morning after the rain. I take photos of too many flowers but it's my blog and I'll post flowers if I want to ...













Ending First Grade with Hatching Chicks



One of my first-grader's favorite memories from this year was the hatching of chicks. Last week, after their first grade show, I snapped some pix of the chick-a-dees. Each class got to vote on the names for the chicks. Jake's class came up with Fluffy and Cocoa; clearly this was the week that most of the boys were out with the flu. Jake came up with the name Tony Baloney. I think that rocks way harder!


Hatching in progress.


This was home for 21 days.


Still in the incubator waiting for siblings to hatch.



Peek-a-peck.



Chicks come in many colors and fuzzies.



Reading the newspapers - after all, they do live at Horace Mann.